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My Journey Inward

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Ten years ago, my life was turned upside down, sideways, and scattered into a million pieces. Having faced trauma as a child, numerous health conditions, over 22 surgeries, an autoimmune disorder known as vitiligo, and an addiction to prescription pills, I nearly lost everything that was important to me including my marriage, my career, the respect of others, and my own self-respect. This humbling experience brought me to my knees. The shame was so powerful that I wanted to end my life in order to stop the pain. It was only through the grace of God and the helpfulness of others that I was able to stand up, look at myself in the mirror, and begin a journey of healing.

For an inpatient soul such as me, I wanted the fast track to feeling better and getting my life back on track. I wanted to be able look forward in the expansive windshield at my life ahead, while only glancing at my past in my small rearview mirror. However, I needed to delve into my past to get a clear understanding of my own actions and behavior. I was only able to do this because of the willingness of others who shared their experiences with me. Whether they know it or not, they took my hand and led me in the right direction. Change takes time and a lot of work. I love the phrase "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear." by Lao Tzu. I am grateful for all the teachers who showed up in my life along the way.
 

The peace of mind that I have today is beyond measure. My own journey inward has helped me to forgive and love myself, to stay in the moment, to lead a clean and sober life, to accept others as they are, and to accept life as it is. My relationship with my husband and children has never been stronger. I have a group of friends that love me, support me, and accept me as I am. I no longer have to try to be someone I am not. I have discovered the beauty of nature and started traveling and hiking a few years ago. The journey inward is never-ending. I have had many lessons show up for me in the past ten years that have helped me grow. Every time I took one step backwards, I was able to take two steps forward. Through this blog I will be sharing my own story, experiences, thoughts, and path to a better life with the hope that it encourages someone else to begin their own journey inward.

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